This is for the most
important man of my life.
My dad.
I lost him when I was
sixteen years old. Its been quite a long time that I have lived my
life without him. Do I miss him? Oh yes! I do that… I miss him
terribly….
I was a typical daddy’s
pet. And I always supported him. Even during the times and instances when he was wrog and at fault.
Do I come from a
dysfunctional family? I don’t know… I think I do… for that
matter I have to dig deeper and study what actually stands for
dysfunctional…
Yes… I was raised in a
family where life was easy…fun… privileged as far as I can
recall… and there were the ugly egos, drunken brawls, nasty fights
which were at times were physically abusive too; which walked hand in
hand when I was growing up.
For every daughter her
dad is the MAN. I am not denying that.
But my dad was more than
that. He was no nonsense to begin with, no unnecessary frills, with a
huge and bad temper. He was an excellent swimmer,
roller skater, tennis player, shooter and driver. He was a chain
smoker too and an alcoholic.
Who is an alcoholic? The
book says there is no specific definition to define an alcoholic. And
most of the times the word alcoholic is used in the wrong ways
because we do not actually understand it. So to cut it short an
alcoholic is someone who cannot limit the amount of alcohol one
drinks; they always have an overwhelming urge for a drink; it affects
their personal lives yet they do not stop drinking and they lose
interest in other activities.
Yes my dad was an
alcoholic to some extent. He would drink even during the day hours.
It did create problems
and when I saw him and mom arguing during the rounds of binge
drinking, I always stood by my dad’s side.
He was definitely a nice
man. He was a voracious reader. He loved cars. He loved the good
things in life.
For me he was more of a
friend. I listened to Deep Purple, Jim Morrison, The Beatles, The Who
and The Rolling Stones on LPs with him.
I could talk to him about
anything under the sun.
In some instances I was
petrified of him, but still he was my number one. Mom always stood at
number two.
I think I am more of him.
I represent him more through my attitude.
Just before I lost him in
1995, we were driving from Shillong to Guwahati back to home; seeing
off my mom in Shillong.
The plan was initially
different. It was the month of June and mom loved to spend a month in
Shillong with my maternal grandparents. Dad always drove us to
Shillong. Stayed overnight; usually checked in at Pinewood; and
would come back to Guwahati the next day. I was supposed to stay
there too. But somehow, the next morning as he bid us goodbye in our
Oakland house and got inside his putting the ignition on, I hopped
with him and decided to come back to Guwahati. I was almost in tears.
I could never afford to stay without him for a month. Or maybe at
that time it was the inner calling. That I should be with him. That
as soon as the month of June would pass I would lose him forever.
We drove in his red Skoda
in silence for quite a while. The air was getting warmer as we
crossed Barapani.
As we reached
Nayabungalow; he stopped the car to watch a local football match in progress. He was an avid football lover. It took roughly an hour
for the match to get over and when I asked him, “Did your team
win?”, he looked at me and chuckled and replied, “I just
supported both the teams and the best team won!”
He asked me to wait
inside the car and walked to a bootlegger.
It didn’t take much
time though. He mixed the vodka with water and we started our onward
journey yet again.
We had crossed Nongpoh
thirty minutes later. Still driving with his right hand, he handed me
the lighter and the packet of cigarettes.
I look at them and then
at him.
“Light one”, he said
in a matter-of-fact way.
I still kept looking at
him like an ass.
As I lit the first
cigarette infront of my dad, the feelings inside me were kind of
mixed.
I handed him the smoke
and looked on to the road straight. He continued enjoying his smoke
and sipping the vodka.
The silence was broken by
him as he spoke looking on to the highway, “See Nan... soon you
will be out of school and be in college. You will meet boys. But I
want you to meet men. Intelligent men. Its not the age. Its the
attitude that separates men from boys. You will go out on dates, you
will party, you will drink and you will smoke. So have your first
drag with me.”
“And ...one more
thing”, he continued further. “Studies should be intact. Wherver
you go, with whom you go and what time you reach home, you should
always let me know. Rest... life is good. And ...do not get
pregnant.”
The deepest daddy
daughetr conversation I had....
