www - when the world wide web becomes what went wrong!

The internet is like a pandora's box.... I have been hooked to the www for such a long time now. I think it was during my Post Graduation days about fifteen years ago when I stumbled upon this amazing medium. My first e-mail i.d was with usa.net. A friend of mine had created it and we would exchange mails when sitting across the small cubicles of a cyber cafe. Browsing internet was a highly premium then. They used to charge fifty bucks for browsing only for thirty minutes.

I never have had too much of bad or sour experience with this medium....
To come to think of it.... I logged into this site in the year 2005... which is close to nine years now. The best thing about this medium was the ability to keep myself anonymous and yet be able to express things freely. We live in a society full of fucktards and hypocrites. My blogs had my name to it and then I realized there were my annoying and nosy relatives reading all this and whenever I'd bump them at social gatherings all they had to say was about what I wrote. They never appreciated about my writing but wanted the gory details.
So I changed my url altogether with an abstract "scarzeroed" as my name.... and it suits me well too!

From paying fifty back for half an hour to accessing internet on a phone, we surely have come a long long way I must say.

Two weeks ago I installed a free video calling app in my phone so that I could cut on my outgoing voice and video calls to my husband. Currently we are in a long distance relationship because of occupational hazards.

And someone pinged me out of the blue. A total stranger. I was just trying to get used to this newly installed app and much later I realized my location was "on" and so people who had the same app installed could look up in the '"people nearby" section. So this guy sent me a "hello".... and because I was so much into R&D of the new app, it took a while for me to see the messages as well.
I looked in  to the photograph and when my mind said "he looked decent enough to hello him back", I did exactly that.

The first few exchanges were interesting and three days later I found myself actually looking forward to strike up a conversation with this total brand new stranger.

Soon we moved to a more comfortable Whatsapp.

But now that two weeks have passed I have a different opinion about him altogether. No... I do not mean bad. People cannot be tailor made as per our liking but nevertheless I get negative vibes from the man in question.

He is actually getting a bit annoying now. He should realize we have just met on the internet and there are things I am not comfortable sharing with him. He cannot trespass and try and get too close to me. It sucks! It really does.
 I have made him understand that. I am a very "right on your face" person. I told him the things which I do not appreciate. But either he is a total nincompoop or a dimwit to have not understood. Not that I used very tough language.... "I sleep early because I am an early riser". Is that so difficult to understand?
On a weekend we did chat till 1:00 am in the morning. But that does not mean its going to be like this everyday.

All I want to tell him now is -Dear Mr. Stranger pal... please do not assume I am your girlfriend or your lover. We met on the internet and that's it. Please do not expect me to be sticking on to my phone messaging you every minute, sharing every detail... what I ate for lunch, which programme am I watching on television, what did my daughter take in her lunch box to school, what is the colour of my underwear.... you know this is hugely claustrophobic and I am in need of some fresh air.

Mr. Starnger... you need to get a life on your own. You cannot trip on looking at my weekend with friends album in Facebook.
I assume you are a total loser. Am I being blunt? Oh yes! You can bet your fat ass on that.
You said I have a very interesting life, yes I do because I try to live my life to the fullest and try and do as much things as possible. I don't want to die with any regrets. And yes... I am very disciplined. I have a time table and function that way.
But what about you... all I could gather is you have a nine to five job which you always extend to eight. You do not talk to your wife. You sleep in separate rooms too. You have no friends. You do not make an effort to reach out to people. You have not taken a vacation for ages and regard your official trips as "I love travelling to new places".
But most importantly you have a huge complex with your name. Is it because your name is feminine and you are not? Please try and understand many Indian names are unisex. For example Krishna is a name for men and women. Then again there is Pushpa... it can be named to either sexes. When your parents kept your name they had done it with good intention I am sure.
Mr. Stranger.... I am not a pretender.... I do not have complexes .... I am in love with myself and hence I am usually happy.
Please try and get a life and maybe after that I will decide if I still want to communicate with you...
So long... you are blocked... restricted...rejected...
Thank God for small mercies and smart phones!

A Brand New Year!

Happy 2014 world!

I have been just plain lazy to sit and write. There were thoughts - thousands of them and I knew I had to get them out into words and make sentences but then it just did not happen.

So on the last day of the year I put a "public" update on Facebook and sent all my best wishes and also added ..."And tonight party like nobody's business... shake a leg... sing a song... eat without worrying (all the ones who goes veggie on Tuesdays)... drink a good scotch... and find someone responsible to drive you back home!!! "

A friend who knows me to be a party animal of sorts joked as asked me, "So tell me Nan... who is dropping you hometonight?"

Dropping me home!? Hello! Listen... I've been home on New Year's Eve for the last six years. I think I overdid that "party"bit and now I enjoy my aloneness more than music blaring from huge sound systems... people spilling their drinks in their expensive dresses and talking insanely.

Yes... I still love my Teachers 50. I like to have a decent and interesting conversation one on one as Floyd or The Doors plays on. At times I also enjoy Dualist Inquiry or maybe Ministry of Sound. Eating some coleslaw and grilled chicken too. But going out and partying is not me anymore.

While browsing my Facebook homepage yesterday evening and today morning as I was sipping tea I saw all and sundry (sundry is the category where I add a friend's wife I am very formal with... or maybe an ex-colleague's hot and happening sister etc all... basically the wannabes and the ones who try too hard to prove something which I have not been able to figure out so far!).

Oh man! Of all the things long and short - the LBD (Little Black Dress) sure takes the cake. Women of all sizes can wear it and can not go wrong but then again you must understand and realize the cut which suits your body type. There where the error is.

Then I see this girl call Al... She wore a LRD (Little Red Dress)... full of glitters with a plunging neck line and a pair of matching calf length red boots.
But dear Al... why wear a high neck navy blue inner under that LRD? When you were posing for the pictures where you so desperately wanted to look a stunner why were you looking so nervous? And if you want me to be fake a put a "like" on those three photographs you posted, you are wrong. You do not know me. I'd appreciate the woman standing next to you who looked very graceful and elegant in a silk saree holding a glass of unfinished scotch. Well who??? Oh! You did not notice her. I know she was not with you neither was your companion. She just happened to get photographed along with you and sad that you did not crop the photograph... see this mysterious woman just stole all the attention you were so badly craving for!

And then there is this Miss Socialite. Let her call S. She flew some thousand air miles to party. And today morning Miss S posted her photographs. Miss S looks all the same. Whether she is wearing a LBD or a bikini. She never smilesbecause she confesses that her set of teeth is very ugly! She has one shade of lip colour she wears it everywhere. No Miss S. I am not putting a "like" or commenting anything on your pictures. Please! Show me something new and then maybe I will too comment something which I genuinely feel for you!

Wasn't that a whole lot of bitching I did?

On a personal note 2013 has been not too bad for me. Met some good people and met some equally bad people - the bastards.

The bastards - I can write about them later... but the ones with whom I bonded are the ones I know I still long to see and I know they will be with me for years to come.

I also realized that keeping my head firmly above my heart is the best way to deal with relationships.

I achieved my fitness goal - I could fit in to my old pair of denims effortlessly. That was my "agenda" when 2013 had begun. I had put on a lot of weight and I looked ugly. I knew I had to do something about it at the earliest. And one fine day I started Yoga. And it was no looking back from there on.
I am now two size smaller, weighing fifteen kilos lesser and more confident!

And that Arnab Goswami on Times Now is not that bad after all.

And yes now that I have graduated from rum to whiskey I can say for sure... if you enjoy your whiskey and drink slowly you won't get a hangover next morning.