The Delhi Times - Part I

Winters make me nostalgic and remind me of my days in Delhi. I loved the winters in Delhi. Chilling cold and good enough to make you forget the gory summers plus an opportunity to smartly adorn jackets, pullovers and oh yes! Gorging tandoori chicken with shots of “Rums-Up” (that is rum & Thums Up)!
There are numerous incidents, instances and experiences which makes those moments truly some of the “best days of my life”.
I landed in the New Dlehi Railway Station one hot June afternoon. Getting down from the Rajdhani Express, the heat seemed to rip me and my senses off for at least some time. The train was on time and I spotted Ron & Rupa Pehi waiting for me. This was however now my first time, it was the second.
The first visit to this capital city was four months earlier in the month of February to clear my psychometric tests, group discussions and one grueling round of interview to get myself admitted into Delhi School of Communication for my PG studies. It was a two day visit and I didn’t have much time in hand. All I did was visit PVR in Saket and watched Air Force 1 with another cousin of mine Viki and his friend, both of whom were doing their MBAs from MDI Gurgaon.
But things would be different this time. My stay would not be mere 2 days. It would be counted in years and I knew I had to make the best use of it.

The year was 1998. I had just completed my B.com and awaited results. But I had cleared my MAT even before appearing for my B.com finals for I didn’t wanted to waste time thinking hard what to do next. Advertising was my call and DSC was the institute I knew I could not go wrong in choosing.
I was feeling quite at home because I was camping with my cousins for a few days in GK Enclave1, until my Preeti my would be room mate (someone I’d known since my Gauhati Commerce College days, senior to me by two years with a big crush on Niki- another Guwahati Cousin) arrived from her vacation. Preeti was doing her MBA from EMPI Business School and stayed in a PG accommodation in the K block of South Extention II.
She called me once she was back i.e about two days after I had arrived. I hadn’t seen much of Delhi, but just passed by the Ring Road every morning when Ron & I went to drop Ron’s sister Paro to IP College I kept my own landmarks – just in case I found myself lost!
I moved into K2, NDSEII and lucky enough I was just a walking distance from my institute if I took the short cut through Masjid Moth. And the swanky shops and malls in the either side of the Ring Road – NDSEI & NDSE II would keep me quite occupied I pacified myself. Preeti and I shared a room with another girl called Juhi who was a Gujrati and an architect. But I hardly got to see her much as our timings were set in such a way that when she was in the room I was attending my classes and when I was indoors she was out on her assignments!
The next room had two more girls – their names I cannot recall now but they were good. And very soon this place became my home. We shared all our day’s experiences, we laughed, bullied each other, came to each other’s rescue when any one of the girls exceeded the “curfew” time!
There was one more lesson to be learnt though. I realized that spending time with friends’ everyday for a few hours and staying with the same friends together were quite different! I am not complaining.
My stay in K2 NDSEII lasted for about three months. I knew I had to move out when one fine day I found the unimaginable – there was a scratchy feeling in my head and to my utter horror i realized that the ugly little devils also known as “lice” had built their nest on my mane and when I took up this issue others seemed okay with it! For them it was something very mundane. And for you it might seem a bit over the top but I decided to pack my bags and move out!

In Retrospective

All the newspapers and regional news channel had some space reserved to highlight the bits and pieces for the forthcoming one-day series between India-Pak to be held on 5th Nov here in Guwahati.
It was a pity to see and hear that cricket buffs queued from the previous night to grab a ticket in the Latasil playground! Snapshots showed police using the cane to control the “mob-like” crowd and much later the ones who failed to managed to procure a ticket “gheraoed” the premises of UCO Bank blaming the bank personnel for mismanagement. So much for a game!
I am not a cricket buff, not even a dot in me has any inkling towards the game.
But all these news and frenzy reminds me of the day I watched my first and last (as I am not much inclined towards it) cricket match in the Nehru Stadium.
Times were different, I was young and the only constant remaining that even then and as of now I don’t understand much about the game!
My father was a great sports buff – cricket, swimming, tennis or even fishing. He was just game for anything “sporty”.
I accompanied him on that fine morning.
The year was 1985 or 1986, and I must have been in class four or five. I don’t even remember with whom India was pitted against. Maybe Australia. I clearly remember the Indian team was there because I got a very clear sight of Ravi Shastri. He was the nation’s heart throb at that time. So even before the match begun I had my dose of cricket; seeing the “Indain Idol” as we walked down towards the stadium and the bus which carried the players had just passed us by.
We woke up early – early by my standards and by 5.30 we were ready to head towards the stadium, we decided to walk as taking the car wasn’t practical. And the stadium wasn’t that far also.
Unlike now when let alone mobile phones, you are not supposed to carry a bottle of water, Aita & Maa had packed lunch for us – boiled eggs neatly coated with a batter of “maida?” (am not sure now) and fried, sandwiches, cakes and in the other basket were oranges, apples, bananas and also two flasks – one with water and the other with tea!
As we sat down to watch and the match got going, my father took out his pocket transistor and this tiny little devise (the size was just same to the Oxford Pocket Dictionary) was constantly glued to his ears. According to him it was getting best of both the worlds!
I don’t know whether the home team won or lost but by the time we returned home I was dog tired. Aita & Maa had a disappointed look on their faces. The two ladies watched the entire match without understanding a word of it. They were disappointed because they could not locate us in the TV! My father before venturing out of the house had casually told both the ladies that they better keep watching TV “in case” they saw us in TV live!!!
Those were the good old days…
After cricket I need to discuss something which pleases my senses more.
Side by side the cricket hype and glory, there was this small paragraph in the bottom of the Telegraph – page 4 or 6. The head lines said Scorpions to rock Shillong!
Now this is interesting. It slated for December 12th. And I need to go! For me watching these guys performing is as good as a holy dip in the Ganges!

And this is how the cookie crumbles!

Getting married is perhaps one of the most amazing experiences in one’s life. It’s the same I guess with everyone…
It’s not only about the final moments when both the bride and the groom finally tie themselves into holy matrimony, but the excitement starts much before that.
For me excitement began as soon as the date was fixed.
There were numerous things to be taken care of… choosing the right invitation cards, the content of the invitation, preparing the guest list, fixing the menu, the numerous shopping sprees – be it for jewellery, clothes, shoes to other knick knacks like hair pins!
Nirav accompanied in my shopping rendezvous, drove with me to invite people! Elders in both our families were quite shocked to see the would be husband & wife together shopping!
And as the D-Day was just twenty four hours away I was strictly told by borma & aita that I should not go out of the house nor dare meet Nirav! But I actually did meet him outside my gate and also had a dekho of all the clothes & jewelleries I’d receive next day in Juroon!
I was in cloud nine… and seventh heaven!
The actual wedding day was one big affair… and at the same time tiring. It was the only time when smiling seemed to be a pain! To smile at all the people – many of whom I didn’t recognize even after my jethais & borma leaving no stones unturned to introduce a certain “Baideo” or “Bou” as so and so wife … sister-in-law…or whatever the case was!
My wedding was a one day affair.
By the tie everything was over I was dog tired, my legs aching so was my neck and every muscle in my body! Removing the make-p never seemed such a ordeal as it was then! And taking off those hair pins! Whoof!
The next morning when I woke up nothing had changes, everything was same except for one simple thing, I applied sindoor for the first time in my life, my hands bit shaking!
Nirav as promised came over for lunch. Now this again is interesting. It is said that after marriage the bride & groom should not speak or meet until the bride goes to the groom’s place the next day. But in this case things were rather different. Both Nirav & me had decided on the menu so seriously that he was left quite disillusioned when he realized that on the D-day he couldn’t have a single morsel of food! So he asked borma to keep a bit of all the items and next day he was in my doorstep right on time for lunch! And during lunch time when I told all around that I actually had a peek-a-boo of all the stuff I received much before Joroon all hell broke loose! Everyone said that they had never seen such an impatient would be bride like me!
The next day was the dinner laid by Nirav’s family for all their guests and for me it was my last moments at my own home. And suddenly I felt I should stay back! I cried and cried and cried! But what was done could not be undone… I was to go to my new home… a home which will be mine and a feeling of nervousness and anxiety crept in….
During the dinner I met Nirav’s extended family and their circle of people but all the while my thoughts were a heady mix of excitement as well as fretfulness….
On one hand I’d be spending the rest of my life with someone I was so much madly in love with… on the other it was only him that I knew… but what about the rest of his people?
Shrugging my thoughts aside we got into the car and reached our home.
Like a typical Bollywood flick I anticipated to spend the first few moments of togetherness in sheer bliss but how wrong I was!
Even before I could let the feeling sink in that I’ll be spending the rest of my life in this home, sleeping with this man, cooking in this kitchen…. there I saw Nirav… in his usual faded tee and boxer shorts ready to hit the bed and snooze away to glory!

The Hate Page!

Soon there'll be another blog along with this one - it will be the Hate Page! Sounds funny? Whatever the case be... just need to vent out some pressing thoughts which otherwise is driving me up the wall:))

still more passing thought...

I was too engrossed in a word game cracking my all time high score, so much that my fingers are paining on account of clicking the mouse for the last two hours constantly! So I decided to sign off from the web site and do something else.
I chekced my yahoo just in case I had any mails to be replied, but no! Guess everyone is too busy with work piled up too sleeves unlike me who's taking a jolly good break.
So right now I am plugged to my ear phones with Shakira's Underneath your clothes...
That's a pretty old song.
Wish I could have downloaded Hey oh! by Red Hot Chilli Peppers - well listening to it now in you tube and have also saved it...and like me there are many out there who've loved this song immesely - as many asComments: 348 Favorited: 1446 Views: 352,969 times attcahed with the video...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9xCCjL1RZE
I read the lyrics too but it didn't make much sense.
I heard this song for the first time in world Space - channel Radio Voyager exactly a year ago when I got a Worldspace.
The funny thing about Radio is you can't repeat the songs you like and canoot possibly fast forward the music you don't have much ears for!
And the worse part - if you by chance fail to listen attentively to the RJ, you miss the opportunity of knowing what song is being played, who is the singer!
This is what happened to me with this song! Its after quite sometime and channel surfing - both voyager & top 40 that I got to know its Hey Oh!

Just a few passing thoughts...

Only Moon dada understood my situation. People like him are rare to find. I didn’t have to say much, just a few words I uttered and he got the whole picture.
Wish everyone was as sensible as he is!
I need to relax a bit now and with the kind of work I was into there wasn’t any time at my disposal to do things I loved. My work included extensive traveling which kept me out of home on average 22-25 days a month. I always had two sets of toiletries, two sets of washed & ironed clothes ready and also two travel bags. No! I am not complaining. I enjoyed every moment of it. I got to see and visit all the places which otherwise would have never been in my travel plans.
But things have changed now. Another twenty weeks to go and there will be a newcomer in my life. So I need to prepare myself well for its arrival!

Begging Glorified

I was aimlessly surfing the net, replying to some mails and wondering what to do next (my life is sailing quite smoothly without Orkut!) when four apparently disdainful gentlemen walked into the room. They didn’t look more worn out than ordinary mortals and their appearance clearly epitomized the fact that “hooligans” forever prevails everywhere.
The two of them who looked liked leaders took the chairs opposite Nirav and the “chamchas” sat behind.
“We are members of a newspaper, we are closely associated with Kanak Sen Deka & Mamoni Raisom Goswami. We are organizing a function soon and we seek donation”!
Their introduction was as snappish and snooty as was their attitude.
When Nirav said that a branch office had no power to sanction money and that if they provide with some written proposal he might as well send it to the Head Office and if the Head Office gives a nod then maybe he can consider something, the one on the heavier side quickly responded “This is the state of affairs in Axom, we don’t have the power even to donate money, why do you have to ask bosses sitting outside Axom, personally can’t you give us some donation, in cash or in Cheque?”
I was listening to all this gibberish and my temper was amplifying within. I kept my cool because I was not a part of their conversation; I had just come to Nirav’s office to check my mails.
They handed out a letter to them. The name of the organization is GRAMYA SISHU BIKASH PARISHAD (ASOM) & AROHAN ARTIST GUILD.
The letter head further had printed on its left hand side a logo and in contrasting red and green were the following lines: RAJJICK SISHU BIKASH SAMAROH, SRIMANTA SANKARDEV KALAKSHETRA (ASSAM) 27TH & 28TH OCTOBER, PRIZE DISTRIBUTION, FELICITATION & CULTURAL NITE, “PRAGJYOTI “COMPLEX, MACHKHOWA GHY (ASSAM).
Then was the subject line :”prayer for financial assistance/ advertisement to the Rajjick Sishu Bikash Samaroh (*th Annual meet)
By now you must have guessed what is the content of the letter.
Below were the mentioned rates for “financial assistance”: there is a wide range to choose from – from Rs.500/- to Rs.10,000/- you can take your pick.
My point here is how genuine are these Sansthas? Do they have records of all the money they receive being spent for the said purpose and not flaunted in booze and filling their own pockets? Can’t these Sansthas be more organized and seek financial assistance by their own means? And this is not the only group. There are hundreds of them representing one Sanstha or the other and making rounds of offices and seeking donations.
Or maybe this is perhaps the next course our fellow humans have taken resort to when pointing the gun, asking for ransom has become futile – welcome to the age of “Glorified Begging”

Bye Bye Orkut!

Orkut is addictive. So much that my regular e-mails to friends took a back seat. Messengers - be it yahoo or others seemed insignificant. The first time I logged in Orkut I had no idea what was it and what to do and what not to do. I was sent an orkut invitation by a friend of mine Pooja, more specifically my sis-in-law. I did accept her invitaion, duly registered myself but didn't have the energy to search for friends because all my friends were within my reach - be in my school buddies or friends gathered in all the professional years ... they were maybe just a phone call and sms away.

That was a year and half ago.

And soon it happened that if you are not in orkut or if you are not orkutting then people looked at you as some kind of out dated and worn out pice of furniture. And I wasn't too happy to have this kind of image. So I too started logging in Orkut regularly and gradually I discovered the joys of finding familiar faces from possibly all corners of this universe!

Some of them were so long lost fellas that I was prompted to write testimonials on then at the very instant. And when a few old friends wrote testimonials on me I felt like a princess!

There are two sides to every coin, if there is darkness there has to be light and if there is God then there has to be a devil somewhere. And so were the hazards in Orkut.

Being a private person and not to comfortable letting my feelings out too soon to unknown people, I felt jumpy and jittery when I knew there were thousand and one souls visiting each others profile, reading scarps at random and gaping and gawking at personal albums. And it was more annoying to recieve scraps from people you don't even know!

But at the same time I did meet a few genuine people - one or two maybe with whom I shared my daily chronicle of activities and vice versa....

Then one fine day I decided to do the unimaginable...

I logged in, read the scraps posted in my scrap book, read the testimonials for the one last time .. & VOILA! I pressed the "Delete Profile" button!

Friends am sure will miss me ... but let me be out of Orkut for a while... miss my 700 odd scraps... and get addictied to something newer...

Rantings of a restless mind

Off late there have been upheavals more than I would anticipate. Feelings have taken turns and twists like a tornado.
The last few days have been some of my lowest low, or I may be exaggerating!
Does it happen to just me or to everyone that suddenly you start disliking everyone, every passer by… everything becomes a monotony and you wish you were some place else?
And you also feel that everyone is conniving against you?

A few moments worth

He said he was in the railway station looking form me.
“Railway Station! Out of all places”; you may wonder.
But I wasn’t surprised. Nor was I bowled over. So what if it was about midnight?
Our last meeting was in this same station where I bid him goodbye with a heavy heart, running nose, watery eyes and a hoarse voice! And it was one of those rare occasion when I realized I’d miss him much.
He had these feeling running in him much before than me… I was seeing him off in the airport and I could feel the salty tears trickling from his eyes on to my cheeks as we hugged each other firmly. This was during one of our first few meetings.
We bumped into each other during Bhai’s wedding. He was Bhai’s best man.
Even before meeting him I had heard enough of him and I had a picture of him in my mind made. It’s altogether a different story that the picture I had in my mind and the way he looked quite didn’t match. It’s a different story because his namesake is the one who’d come to my mind every time he would be in our discussion.
But one thing was sure right from day one. We knew that we would be in each other’s good books. We never tried to impress, we didn’t try to act smart or for that matter woo each other. Not because we ran out of ideas but because in the back of our minds we knew exactly well that all this would lead to nowhere.
They say there is a time, place and age for everything… and without a doubt I adhere to it. Because there has been times and instances when we were lost in our own world of dreams, a world we had made for ourselves only, where it was ghastly to be sad, terrifying to be lonely and horrible to feel old! And it made both of us happy. We would giggle like fifteen year olds in love for the first time, our heart pulsating more than it usually did, we lived for the moment and we lived like there would be no tomorrow.
We were fulfilling each other’s vacuum; we didn’t have to ask reasons. We spoke to each other round the clock, be it on the phone or in our silence. We were together day in and day out updating ourselves with our minutest of details. It’s again a different story that we were thousands of miles away.
For a change the world looked beautiful. Everything around us seemed bright, happy and cheerful. And this momentary chapter in our lives termed as “happiness” was unquestionably a treasure for a lifetime.
Was everything going too smooth? Are tales with twists and turns better than mundane affairs of life?
Everything seemed smooth for us because we listened to only those tunes we wanted, we saw only those images we wished and erased all the ground realities without much fuss. We were both running away from reality.

This is not a love story with a happy ending; it’s not something you’d term as “tragic comic” either. It’s about two sane people meeting in very ordinary circumstances and gradually realizing that they had somehow missed the bus!
He was hurt and lonely and so was she. But they had different reasons to be so alike.
A broken relation, friends drifting offshore and coming back to an empty home-his only solace was his music, he rightfully treated his music as his loyal wife!
Yet he knew he could not be with her…
While she looked happy and was the life everywhere she went, deep inside she was hollow and empty. Something had died. She stopped dreaming about the good things in life. Life seemed so perfect for her, yet there was something terribly wrong.
Her marriage…
And perhaps this brought them so close to each other.
It was just being there which mattered. Plain friendship, where one could be just his or her own self, without a mask, sans the veil.
But everyone got it so damn wrong. Everyone had an opinion about it, they felt
jaded and they tried reading between the lines when there wasn’t anything any and when things were as clear as crystal water. Or perhaps they felt left out!
… and that’s how it goes.. and it’s a few moments worth….

Three sides to a story: mine...his...& the Truth

Part I – Mine

I was sore. I was miffed. And I had reasons to be. Somehow I managed to put up a spirited and nonchalant image. But deep within the wounds weren’t nursed back to health as yet. And I knew this would take time. I tried to do things that would deviate my thoughts. And I tried hard not to go back in time, and I must admit that I failed pathetically. Friends were concerned and worried; thought I had gone bizarre; they said I “kinda look lost”. I knew what they meant and that they meant well. But apparently this was one stubborn hangover that refused to get off my brains!

It was raining heavily. My bus was at 9.30 p.m. It would be my first visit to Lakhimpur. I had traveled extensively across Assam but Lakhimpur always was left out for one reason or the other. I cross checked my bag to see if I had taken my ticket, cell phone, dairy and other junks as I said one short, quick and final prayer to God before embarking on my journey. 24 – it was written quite bluntly on the ticket. I roughly calculated in my mind where would I be unerringly seated. I assumed that it would be on the either side of the sixth row. Only if this was some calculations dealing with rocket science!

As I swaggered through the narrow corridor of the bus, I saw a stranger on the aisle seat. I placed my bags and took my seat and once again breathed heavily. I have a mental block traveling in AC; it’s similar to a bee getting stuck on a windowpane. I said one more prayer under my breath, though this time it was an earnest request to the bus conductor not to repeat the same lousy and dreadful movies they show! The bus soon paced on the sopping wet streets and I was out of city limits soon.

I gave one passing look at my co-passenger. Not because I had any purpose, but because isn’t it natural, most likely and expected to look at least once who is the person sitting next to you and will be traveling with you for the next eight to ten hours?

One momentary look at my co-passenger and the moment froze ceaselessly for me. The hairdo, height, posture, the stare behind those glasses, the pair of glasses and even the Adam’s apple! He looked identical, like peas in a pod. It was impossible to tell apart whether I was sitting opposite to a complete stranger or was he the stubborn hangover that refused to get off my brains! I did not have the nerve to look at him again. Turning my face to the extreme left towards the window I gawked into the darkness and the rains. I felt throttled. I wanted to get off the bus into the open and soak in the rains and fill my senses with some fresh air.

The bruises not mended as yet were again brushed by a fresh coat of bittersweet feelings, which were delightfully agonizing. The temptation to call him was high. I wanted to let him know that though we were some thousands of miles apart, I was here traveling with some total stranger who seemed to be his mirror image.

But I had a promise to keep… to myself and to someone who mattered more. I dropped the idea of calling him and stuck on to my vow… but to console my battered spirit I again looked at this stranger for reasons I cannot comprehend and oddly I felt secure traveling with this stranger whose name, whereabouts and everything else was not known to me… nor did it matter… after all he was just a stranger … its just a different story that he resembled someone and brought back to me memories and an ache so enjoyable…

Part II - His

I reached the bus terminus much ahead; not because I am a kind of a person who knows the value of time but because I didn’t want to get myself caught in the annoying downpour or an antagonizing traffic snarl. I didn’t have much luggage with me, just a knapsack and a bottle of water. I was on the sixth row and the 23rd seat. A wait can be quite excruciating, especially when you are much ahead of time, like the way I am today. The moment the door opened I hopped inside the bus and made myself comfortably seated. I had no idea who would take the window seat, nor did I fancy the window seat. But secretly I wished I had someone interesting to travel with. Only five more minutes were left and yet there was no sign of my co-passenger. The ignition of the bus was switched on and the cool breeze of the AC enveloped the bus. People were filling inside and taking their seats. Yet the seat next to me still remained unoccupied. As I was giving up all my hopes – well honestly I didn’t have any preferences of a co-passenger. But clandestinely I wanted someone who’d mind his/her own business and not prod into my life or that matter shrug elbow to occupy the great divide or the handle that divided the seats!
I was absorbed in making guess-estimates about my co-passenger so much that I didn’t even realize when did she hop inside the bus. It was the courteous request to “excuse” myself to let her in her seat that I woke up to reality and tally if my intuition and reality match.
She did not look as if she was going home on holiday; she looked much more like a student doing her apprenticeship. Or maybe a backpacker. But did I really care? I wished and hoped she wasn’t the kind of woman who’d pester at the slightest pretext! Not that I mean anything impolite.

She was lost in her own world. She looked vulnerable. There was something invisibly discrete yet innocent about her. I wanted to initiate a conversation with her but for some strange reasons I stopped myself. She was too occupied in her thoughts. I could gather it from the look in her dreamy eyes. I however took note that she looked at me with a strange gaze and turned herself completely against me. I wondered if I looked so disdainful and terrible! I got busy with myself and let this woman be herself, do whatever she pleased, in my thoughts off course.

I dozed off for sometime and the screeching brakes woke me up. I looked to my left; she was in a slumber, her head tilted to one side and arms wrapped around herself. Was she cold? Why was I worried about her? Why was I inviting trouble for myself. I am not a person to muddle with a stranger’s life, but why was I concerned for this strange woman whose name I didn’t even know? I wanted to hear her voice, I also wished she’d speak to someone on the phone. But I didn’t see a cell phone with her. Maybe it was inside her bag, maybe it was switched off, maybe she was one of those rare breed who didn’t believe in mobile phones… why was this happening to me? Why did I have this urge to wrap her a shawl and keep her warm in my arms?

I reached my destination way ahead than hers. I wanted to bid her farewell. Wanted her to tell to take good care of herself. She was in a deep slumber and for the sake of sanity and civility I drooped my idea of being the super hero… after all she was just a co-passenger… its just a different story that she seemed so familiar… I felt a certain degree of bonding … and some reasons only Heaven would know.

Part III – The Truth

This is a work of pure fiction. It bears resemblance to nobody, living or otherwise. Any similarity with the characters is purely co-incidental!

rummaged thoughts

I had heard so much about him that when on one fine wintry evening I chanced upon to meet him, I felt I was meeting someone I had always known. Except for one dismal factor. He didn’t quite exactly look the way I had thought. Only if that was something of a major concern, for if looks could kill, I’d be dead! (…. Whichever way you take it)
To get to the basics is difficult. I realized that we shared common interest and views, however we did not bombard each other with question that seems cliché. Like for instance, getting to one’s zodiac sign, favourite food, colour, hobbies etc all!

Un-sung Heros

You see there is something known as "love as first sight". But do you really believe in? Am I asking you? You betcha! I am! And I ask myself the same thing. Do I really believe in love at first sight? .... uummmm! well I never did... it really didn't happen to me except for a few ocassions.... like Bips office... It was love at first sight... Its the best office I've ever seen... or maybe a haiku painting has attracted me ... but if you ask me about a person and me falling left right & centre .... well I guess not.

But is this love at first sight and having a crush is the same thing? Or maybe there is a thin line of difference between the two similar to the very thin line that differentiates between euphoria and insanity.

And if that be the case, as in the love at first sight & having a crush being and meaning quite similar I got this list of un-sung heros I've secrelty admired for so long ad yet I didn't have the courage to speak about it.!

I faked it !

I had to!... didn't feel like goin to work...seeing the same old faces..listening to the same old complaints... attending the same old calls... smiling seepishly at the same old people .... makeing those same old reports.... & sipping the same old cuppacinno in Cafe Coffe day....

So I faked a fever.... kept both my phones off hook & spent some quality time with my flowers. ...

Its nice to see the orchids ... the cactus flower.... its also nice to watch the rain.... the new foliage... Its nice to be home sometimes.. to be doing things without an agenda... the afternoon siesta.... the lazing around... the late lunch & the much later shower....

Right now I wanna drive on the highway listening to Rahul Sharma or maybe Anouskha Shankar. My music sense has taken a 360deg trun! Someone who listened to Deff leppard & Scorpions all day & night..now into so much of fusion music....!

too much and too less!

Nothing in life seems enough, we want more of everything. no matter if that means choking our throats!

Inside Out by Bryan Adams - Unplugged by Me!

the lyrics:
THE BIGGEST LIE YOU EVER TOLD:
THE DEEPEST FEAR ’BOUT GROWIN OLD:
THE LONGEST NIGHT YOU EVER SPENT:
THE ANGRIEST LETTER YOU NEVER SENT:
THE BOY YOU SWORE YOU’D NEVER LEAVE:
THE ONE YOU KISSED ON NEW YEAR’S EVE:
THE SWEETEST DREAM YOU HAD LAST NIGHT:
YOUR DARKEST HOUR:
YOUR HARDEST FIGHT:
THE SADDEST SONG YOU EVER HEARD:
THE MOST YOU SAID WITH JUST ONE WORD:
THE LONELIEST PRAYER YOU EVER PRAYED:
THE TRUEST VOW YOU EVER MADE:
WHAT MAKE YOU LAUGH:
WHAT MAKE YOU CRY:
WHAT MAKES YOU MAD:
WHAT GETS YOU BY:
YOUR HIGHEST HIGH:
YOUR LOWEST LOW:

THESE ARE THE THINGS I WANNA KNOW…..

And so goes this song....

One of the best songs Bryan Adams has crooned. At least for me.

And this is just a small exercise to unplug me through his words, which are so simple yet meaningful.

Everyone can give it a try!

THE BIGGEST LIE YOU EVER TOLD:
I HATE POISON, BUT ACTUALLY SHE WAS MY STRENGTH.

THE DEEPEST FEAR ’BOUT GROWIN OLD:
THERE AIN’T NO FEAR ABOUT GETTING OLD… THE ONLY FEAR I HAVE – I DON’T WANNA BE MISS-UNDA-STOOD!

THE LONGEST NIGHT YOU EVER SPENT:
OUTSIDE THE ICU OF DOWN TOWN HOSP, SITTING ON THE STAIRS. A COLD JANUARY NIGHT. WAS COUNTING THE TICK…TICK…TICK..AS AITA WAS PUT UNDER VENTILLATION… WAS ABOUT QUARTER TO FOUR WHEN THE TICK…TICK..TICK STOPPED AND I KNEW I LOST HER FOREVER.

THE ANGRIEST LETTER YOU NEVER SENT:
I NEVER SENT THE LETTER TO NIKI. IT WANS’T A LETTER. WAS VENTING OUT MY ANGER, HATERED AND WRATH, BUT THE LUICKY BASTARD FOUND IT, COZ HIS HAS THIS NASTY AND ANNOYING HABIT OF DIGGING DEEPER UNDERGROUND.

THE BOY YOU SWORE YOU’D NEVER LEAVE:
G!

THE ONE YOU KISSED ON NEW YEAR’S EVE:
LAST NEW YEAR’S EVE WAS THE GUY ISIS LOVES!

THE SWEETEST DREAM YOU HAD LAST NIGHT:
WAS SO REAL… I WISH IT COULD LAST FOREVER!

YOUR DARKEST HOUR:
REALIZING ONE FINE DAY THAT I WAS SINGLED OUT.

YOUR HARDEST FIGHT:
KEEPING MY SANITY INTACT EVEN WHEN I WAS GOING THRU HELL.

THE SADDEST SONG YOU EVER HEARD:
INSIDE OUT – BRYAN ADAMS, THE ONE I AM EXPERIMENTING NOW.

THE MOST YOU SAID WITH JUST ONE WORD:
MOMO!

THE LONELIEST PRAYER YOU EVER PRAYED:
PRAYING FOR A LIFE THAT WAS SLIPPING OUT AND I COULD DO NOTHING MORE. PRAYING FOR ALL THE ONES I’VE LOVED AND EVENTUALLY LOST.

THE TRUEST VOW YOU EVER MADE:
WHEN I SAID “I DO”. ..but almost broken now

WHAT MAKE YOU LAUGH:
ALL THE SILLY GOOF-UPS I MAKE, GUTU’S ANTICS, INNOCENT BLUNDERS, TOM & JERRY!
WHAT MAKE YOU CRY:
HONESTY, TRUTH, LOVE, BONDING, ATTACHMENT, EMOTONS…. AND PEELING ONIONS TOO!

WHAT MAKES YOU MAD:
DEADLINES, WHEN I AM BROKE, REJECTIONS, DENIAL, FAILURE.

WHAT GETS YOU BY:
EASY COME EASY GO! A LIFE WITH NO FIXED ADDRESS AND DESTINATION … FOR HE WHO DOESN’T ENJOY THE JOURNEY CAN NEVER REACH HIS DESTINATION!

YOUR HIGHEST HIGH:
47000 FEET ABOVE THE SEA LEVEL CHANTING OM MANI PADME HUM! AND YEAH! BEING ONE OF THE GOLD MEDALIST IN MY COMPANY IN THREE MONTHS!!! PHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW!!!!

YOUR LOWEST LOW:
WHEN I THOUGHT I’D BE DEAD IN MY SLEEP AND NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW! I WAS GOING THROUGH A MAJOR DEPRESSION. I WAS PARANOID AND WAS ABSOLUTELY LONELY. I WAS A LIVING DEAD. I FELT THERE WAS NO REASONS FOR MY EXISTENCE. BUT THAT’S A LONG GONE EPISODE NOW, THANKS TO MY MENTOR SANGITA GOSWAMI, DID I THANK HER ENOUGH? I GUESS I DID!

AIR BORNE!

I am not brand loyal to any of the airlines! I travel as per my convenience. It’s not about getting the best deals. It’s more about getting a better bargain in respect to my time and travel itinerary. I have a Jet Privilege & also applied for Cosmos in Sahara but those plastics don’t keep me glued to one airline only.
But secretly I always prefer Jet and close to it comes Sahara. Jet is a safe bet especially in winters because rarely they are cancelled. Jet is again a personal choice because Maini is always in the airport and she makes sure I get the PRIORITY! Be it tele-check in, front row seats & all the extra care she gives! Maini…. Well my cousin. So whenever I fill up the feedback forms I write her name as the best airport ground staff!
The Guwahati-Kolkata circuit sees a sumptuous meal. And if you think it’s the best kinda food you had on flight wait till you fly the Kolkata-Mumbai sector or the Mumbai-Delhi sector. It’s excellent! The salamis… sausages… the puddings…. Hhhmmmm! The Delhi-Guwahati sector also sees a delightful meal.
Sahara is again a great airlines to fly. But the only problem it has or maybe I’ve been twice unlucky… flights have a greater chance of getting delayed and cancelled. But like Maini I got Meren in Sahara to provide me with the PRIORITIES!
Sahara has good looking guys on board! Well I mean to say all the flight attendants are so damn handsome… and well even the dames are a pretty lot.
Food wise Sahara is also good… but honestly I detest the vada-sambar they serve! It’s too messy to eat – especially if you get to sit in between the aisle and window!
I always prefer front aisle seats. But slowly I’ve shifted to the window seats now. It’s only in rare occasions – either once or twice that I’ve found myself sandwiched either between desperate housewives or horny bastards!
If you were to ask me about my best flights, I’ve always enjoyed the GAU-DEL or the GAU-MUMBAI sector. The flights are long. Its 2 ½ hours to Delhi and its 3 ½ - 4 hours to Mumbai (keep in mind the Kolkata stopover). When the flights are short you don’t get time to relax – to unwind – to stretch your toes – and to meditate on OM MANI PADME HUM in between 31000 – 47000 feet above the sea level! But a flight that’s more than 2 hours you get time to do your own Goddamn thing!
And did I tell you about the GAU-IMPHAL sector? I didn’t?! Well… you see you can take an Indigo…Deccan or Jet to Imphal. And taking the Jet is the wisest thing you can do. Deccan I don’t believe in and Indigo – well I shall be flying it for the first time today evening at 19.30 hrs when I take the flight to Kolkata. It’s the convenience of time and Indigo seemed the best bet for a change.
Alright! Now coming to the Imphal sector, the flight takes exactly 31 minutes. 31 leaves me bemused and perplexed! Couldn’t they accelerate the speed and make it 30 …? I always wonder! Now in a flight of 31 minutes, what could the “light snacks” be? Don’t let your imagination paint pictures of food from Taj… don’t go by the brochures … the advertisements…. or catalogues!
All you will be handed will be two pieces of biscuits (either Thin Arrowroot… Marie) and a slice of cake! The very sight of it makes my hunger come to a total halt! Whenever Utpal (my boss) and I travel I pass it to him! Coz I know that the food served is not enough for him, nor would a second helping would be served and nor do I feel like choking my throat with that slice of cake and sleepy looking biscuits!
On my last trip to Impahl, I remember this incident very vividly!
A middle-aged gentleman got up from his seat and was walking towards the washroom, when an airhostess came rushing after him. He was stopped mid way and asked where he was heading. He said he wanted to use the washroom and to the absolute amazement to all the people like me (who were watching the whole scene not because we are peeping toms but because in a 31 minutes flight there’s nothing much or nothing better you can do) the airhostess casually said “Sir could you hold on for a while, as we shall land in a couple of minutes”!!!!!!!!!
Hold on … what????? !

Love & longings in Delhi

It all started when B called me one wintry evening just as I was returning back attending training. I was upset for I had to sacrifice one lazy Sunday on account of my work. All said and done B’s call came in like a breather in my otherwise unexciting journey. I was speaking to him after quite a while – we both term it as the “hibernation” period! He suggested that G & me join him in Delhi during the New Year’s. I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know whether I would get leave from my work and at the same time if things would work out smooth. I needed to discuss this with G and so I did when I got home. G said there was still ample of time left to decide for the New Year’s and I had a tedious routine for the next fortnight. So the Delhi trip remained a distant dream for the time being.
And in the mean time my work took me to Mumbai, Kohima, Imphal… well that’s my job you see, I travel & travel & travel and I don’t complain!
So finally it was decided that we would go to Delhi and join B for the New Year’s bash. In the mean time T, M & C with family had already reached.
This is not a travelogue. Its plain simple me & my feelings for these will remain as some of the best days of my otherwise mundane existence!

DAY 1 – THE TRAVEL:
I reached Delhi on the 27th of Dec at about 20.00 hrs. All the flights were delayed due to fog and zero visibility. Taking a cab as we zoomed out of the I.G.I. Airport I was on the streets of Delhi after six long years. The first thing I noticed were the kiosks at the arrival lounge, which remained unchanged. How many cups of coffee I drank there when I went to the airport everyday in one of my market research projects. The roads looked the same until we reached a crossing. I knew we had to go straight to reach Dhaula Kuan and then take the right turn to touch the Ring Road. But to my utter amazement it was flyovers everywhere! I was completely at loss of words. And all this while I thought I knew Delhi so well! We were camping in South Ex-I, opposite Def Col. and the moment we got down form the taxi I realized that I would be staying exactly opposite to the C block of Def Col which was my home when I was in Delhi then! I wanted to take G for a walk and show him around but the time was not proper. And we had almost a week to explore Delhi my style & my way!
As we unpacked I started calling up friends and everyone were surprised to know that “finally I had come to Delhi”. There is a story to this. Some of the closest friends I have are all based in Delhi and after I came back to Guwahati (for good?) they frequently kept calling me to join them. My answer was always “Yes” but things never materialized and soon they too ceased from calling me to Delhi! It was about 23.00 hrs and we were about to have dinner when I got a call from B. He was downstairs and wanted us to come down for some chitchat! Well the chitchat was more than that and we took a long drive to Mehrauli, then towards Okhla and back to Def. Col. By the time I went upstairs my food was still in the plate untouched and freezing cold. But I had lost my appetite. There was some kind of sheer excitement running all over me; I knew sleep would not be easy; I wanted to wake up in the broad day light and visit places which means a lot to me.
I had two priorities to visit Delhi. First I wanted to watch all the latest releases in PVR Saket and second all my meals would be Mc Donalds only! And that’s the routine I tried to follow strictly!

DAY 2 – BACK TO SQUARE ONE:
After relishing on a Maharaja Mac, it was time I showed G the 232C in Def Col, then K2 in South Ex II and also narrate the thousands and one incident that flashed across my mind all at the same time. B & the rest of the two (T & MB) were to meet us at Ansal Plaza. By the time those three got ready I took G & C to Father Agnel’s School where I did my Mass Comm. I simply got nostalgic; it reminded me of guys like Pooja, Mansi, Raghu… GOD where must they be. We reached Ansal’s and did helluva window shoppin till the guys arrived.…. I bought Notes of a Madman by Osho and did some reading basking under the sun while G & C got groovy with Mary-Jane! It took B & gang almost 2 hours to reach Khel Gaon. But then when you hang around with guys like B you must take things as they come and also leave them upto their own devices! Every one was in the mood to shop and that’s what they did. We went to Monastery.
We called it a day around 1.00 a.m. Late? But then who cares! Do I stick to my tight regime when I am holidaying and freaking out? Guess naah!

DAY 3 – SOME MORE FUN IN JANPATH & PVR
C & his wife are total shop-o-holics! I mean I could have never done so much of shopping like the way they did. I took them to Janpath and also to Central Market in Lajpat Nagar. While they were shopping memoirs kept hitting me – of the days spent – of the times that would never come back – both good & utterly disgusting!
I called up Dhyan and we decided to meet in PVR. Dhyan! Well! A friend I’m so close to but it was the first time we would meet! Sounds weird? But that’s what I am! A Weirdo! Sipped coffee at Barissta and exchanged all the latest and hot gossips! B joined us … maybe an hour later. We got planning what to do next but G & C wanted to call it early since they planned to visit Taj Mahal the next day. However we went on a drive and no matter how early we decided to make, we were dropped at Def.Col at around 1.00 a.m.!

DAY 4 – SOME DOWNERS & SOUL SEARCHING ON MY OWN
The first downer of the day came from me! I was feeling too lazy to get out of my bed in that cold and visit Agra! I made up hundred and one excuses. And above all I had visited the Taj once and I guess that’s enough!
I went to the British Council – took a walk on the Kasturba Gandhi Marg and then came back to my fav hang out zone – PVR Saket. I strolled along the sidewalks and bought the Buddha Lounge CD. The music still reverberates on my mind. By the time I was half way through my movie I got a trifled bored? B was on his way back from office since there wasn’t much work on the second last day of the year. He came to PVR and I left Audi 1 when the suspense had just begun! B I knew would love the Buddha Lounge and do I have to say more? He was like a kid in an absolute frenzy in a toy shop! No wonder I call him b-lounge!
With B around its always “Destination Nowhere”. He kept driving and I kept listening to Budda and at times it was Rahul Sharma & Laddakh mesmerizing us. We headed towards Noida and he showed me around Centrestage Mall. Window shopping is actually not me. So we came out in the freezing cold after munching on sandwiches and sipping hot coffee in Barissta. There was no agenda set and we headed straight to B’s den. Minutes before we reached Malviya Nagar, M woke up from his slumber and T was glued to some cricket match on the ESPN and rock & roll playing on the 10000W stereo! What a cacophony! I freshened up, had some juice and we went on a mission called “ARRANGING FOR 31ST” which sadly didn’t live to our expectations. We hanged around in the Def.Col Market. It was for the first time that M and me were actually talking and strangely we ended up realizing the fact that we have the commonest of friends.
G & C had reached Delhi from Agra by the time we went to Saket! This time M wanted to collect some Rizla papers. And consciously or unconsciously I was terribly missing a female company! Pri! Gosh! She was in Goa and would reach Delhi only on 31st. That was just a couple of hours, yet it seemed too long a wait.
As we caught up with G & C, I realized not going to Agra was perhaps one of the smartest and best decisions I had made! Their horrific tales left the rest of us amused!

DAY 5 – THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR & THE MOST WEIRD TOO!
The first thing I did as I woke up was call Pri. Well I was more than happy now. For I had a girlfriend to tag along with! Pri & me had to do a lot of catching up. We kept blabbering non-stop sipping Port Wine & Goan Sausages she brought from Goa. There wasn’t anything planned as yet for 31st and we ultimately decided we’d head-bang in B’s den while Pri would keep shifting parties – not to disappoint her other pals too! It was for the first time in the last 5 days that I applied makeup and took some time getting dressed. I wanted to look good! But plans had changed. We were heading towards Greater Noida to catch some friends there. This sudden shift made Pri stayed back with her bunch of pals and we headed towards Greater Noida.
The drive was a crazy one! Things started getting crazier and confusing when we crossed the express highway. The crossings were identical & so were the landmarks! We kept on moving in circles over and over again and by the time we reached the main gates of the Apartments the clock struck midnight and suddenly the sky went ablaze with sky shots! Phone started buzzing and wishes poured in from left, right and centre! Yet the 6 of us had not even arrived at the party venue… didn’t even disembark from the car!
We caught up with two more couples there and the party was not what I was expecting. I was looking for some solid rocking time with ear deafening music and an unlimited supply of all the stuff that made the senses more sensible! But here we were – in a cozy ambience – with a feeling of home coming and celebrating the New Year in a very mature way – relishing on home made khana (after the regular Mc Donald’s)… sipping beer! Quite out of the ordinary yet so relaxing and comforting.
We headed to Delhi post dinner. We were warned over and over again to go slow and that’s what we did. Infact there was no other way what-so-ever! Thick layers of fog enveloped us. The visibility was almost zero and B who was driving used the sidewalks as his navigation tool. Sometimes when we hit a crossing, G & T would get down walk a few steps and then guide the car…. We got lost… we drove in circles and we avoided ghastly accidents too!
Things were fine inspite of the strangest of situation we found ourselves in. its just another story that M & T got into an unpleasant brawl which left all of us bitter for some time. And G who was driving now did the only practical thing that was available. Once we were inside Delhi, we headed straight to Malviya Nagar and dropped T & M. we drove off to Def.Col as C was getting edgy and cranky too!! (overdose? Or the lack of it?!)
I looked at my watch at it was exactly 5.30 a.m.

DAY 6 - THE LAST DAY & THE PARTY STILL CONTINUES….
B made up his mind that he would not go home nor would let me or G go too! We headed to New Delhi Railway Station for cuppa tea! All the adventures left us fresh with no hangovers! We kept sipping teas listening to Laddakh & Buddha. G was left irritated coz B & I have a crazy music sense!
For us the party had not ended. We smoked, had tea and had more of both till we got bored in N.D.R.S. We headed towards Khan Market and it was all closed. Boy! It was only 7.00 a.m! I was getting the “Down Trip” syndrome. My system wanted some more caffeine and the nearest was I.N.A. we lounged at the I.N.A. till about 9.30 and then we went to Malviya Nagar once again. B & G has a particular shop from where they buy fags! Crazy! But then we actually are!
Nowhere else to go we went to B’s office and man! It was love at first sight for me! With the office I mean!
Pri I guess got frantic and she called me. I was on my way back to Pri’s and also packed breakfast, when actually the time was around 2.00 p.m! We hogged on the spring rolls once we reached Pri’s zone. Both B & G left and we got blabbering again till my eyes as well as mouth wanted to shut down for a while. By 8.30 p.m G & B came back again! For them the party was still on! We went out for dinner.
I don’t know how many times I have repeated this line, but with B around its always “Destination Nowhere”. This is something I missed to tell Pri. She went mad! She said she wasn’t amused! Nor we were! But we are like this only and she didn’t quite get the joke! Not her fault! Its us! Its us!!! Its us & our non-stop trips full throttle!!
We were back again in New Delhi Railway Station! And I guess we were lucky enough that we managed to find a decent place to eat!


DAY 7 – ADIEU I SAID & FOR UNKNOWN REASONS I WEPT!
I woke up to find Pri making breakfast. She had already warmed water for me. She is a darling I have and I love her so. As I got ready she handed me the cash I needed. For a moment I felt she was mothering me! And on second thoughts I knew I was getting plain emotional! She asked me to stay back. Said we could share her space and live together happy!
I came back with a heavy heart. I still had to pack my bags. G was ready and in the mean time Moonmoon was quite upset that I didn’t meet her! Well! Honest! Moon & me made plans – cancelled – made more plans and finally it didn’t work out!
I had less than two hours at my disposal before I go on board Rajdhani.
B drove us (G & me) to the station.
How I wish I could have stayed a few more days! But every good thing must come to an end and so was this vacation. The drives were fun. M & G took the driver’s seat while B or better me navigated! And how many times I’ve done silly goof ups! Those “u-turns” & the “merry go rounds”! Ohmigosh! B has a fetish for these “GOL CHAKKARS” which we termed as Merry go rounds!
I was already receiving official calls and I felt a bit disoriented. I knew it would take sometime for me to get back to my routine – to my daily life – to my job and back to the ground realities.