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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Shillong Revisited

I’ve always considered Shillong to be my second home. I have fond memories of the place and my childhood. My summer vacations always meant Shillong. As we ascended the altitude the breeze would get cooler, the air would smell fresh and it seemed the pine trees welcomed me in their folds with love and warmth.

Those endless walks – be it in the Ward’s Lake, the Beaver Road, the golf links… the shop hopping in Police Bazaar, jalebis from Dilli Mistan, the road side alu tikkis & chole and roasted corns! And also sometimes it was a quick dip in the Crinoline pool. We’d always walk, take the zigzag short cuts and never did it tire me nor did my feet ache.

It was the perfect holiday for me year after year and I never got bored of this yearly custom!

I never realized that this once a year rendezvous wouldn’t last a lifetime.

With my studies taking the better of me and Maa’s passing away it almost stopped. Because Shillong without my Maa wasn’t fun you see. It’s always been with her that I prized every moment of Shillong. My Shillong Aita was still there but for some raison d'être which I never understood my Guwahati Aita prevented me from visiting her. I never asked her, it seemed so useless to ask the woman because I know she’d never tell me the truth or the rationale behind her decision.

Thus ended my Shillong rendezvous leaving me morose.

It however doesn’t mean that I never visited this place again. I did. I did it with my friends and during my Unilever days as a trainer; too many times impossible to count now. But it never felt the same. Yes, the breeze did get pleasant as we climbed the hills, the air still felt fresh, I still felt the pine trees welcoming me, but somehow the warmth and love was missing. It didn’t feel like “home coming”. I felt like an alien in midst of strangers and sightseers.

One thought constantly haunted me in my every visit. I wanted to meet Aita, just see her once, but I was so psyched with Guwahati Aita’s “sermons” that I stopped myself form going to my second home, leaving me bitterer every time I came back from there.

Years passed by, almost a decade, in fact a decade and two years… it was the month of August of 2008. We again decided to go to Shillong for a day. It was Neeyor’s first trip to this wonderland. We packed our picnic basket and got going. As we stepped out of home, I made up my mind that whatever it costs I’ll visit Aita. And throughout the hundred kilometers of the journey the only thing on my mind was how Aita would react, was she cross with me for not visiting her for so long, would she let me inside the house, would she reprimand me. I knew it was useless to ponder over these. All I could do was face the situation as it would unfold.

Once we reached Shillong we strolled through Police Bazaar, bought a few knick knacks and then proceeded towards Upper Shillong for lunch. My mind all the while was affixed to Aita’s thoughts only. Post lunch we were back in town and it was the moment I had waited for so long.

Nirav didn’t know the place; I gave him the directions to Aita’s house. As I stepped out of the car and walked towards the gate the compound looked unfamiliar. The gates were locked, I banged on it but no one opened. Having no other option left I went to the neighbour’s house on the opposite. The lady who’s Aita’s friend was amazed to see me, she hugged me like her own child and when I said the gates were locked she ordered her servant to accompany me to Aita’s house. She looked somewhat bewildered but I let pass by. I thought it was all but natural to look bemused to see me after such a long time.

I realized my folly when the servant let me in through a smaller gate. Once inside the compound I also realized that the main house had been converted to a pre-nursery school and Aita was perhaps staying only in one part of that huge house. The servant left and I knocked the door. A few seconds later a young lad looked me through the glass pane and then opened. I asked about Aita and he let me in. As I went inside I saw her seated on the bed. She turned around as I entered the room and said “Nandini, why did it take you so long to come?” I stood froze. She recognized me I thought! As per everyone who has met her prior to me told that she recognizes nobody.

She looked so much the same except for her hair which had turned into a shade of silvery white and her skin had fine wrinkles. Never has a woman looked so good in wrinkles. Her hair was neatly tied into a bun. As I hugged her she still smelt the usual of Pond’s talcum powder. I didn’t even realize when tears started dripping from my eyes. And I didn’t have an answer to her question. I couldn’t tell her that I was “very busy with work, married life and a baby”. I couldn’t tell her my Guwahati Aita “psyched” me not to visit her. I simply didn’t have an answer. I never felt as culpable as the way I felt then. I introduced Nirav and Neeyor to her. She spoke to Nirav for a long time and then she touched Neeyor’s little feet and said, “Everyone says babies are God’s replica, can this little one tell me when will I die? Can she bless me so that I die soon?”

I felt heavy, the lump in my throat felt painful. I felt so silly and stupid to have thought whether she’d let me inside the house, scold me or not talk to me. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes.
She again started talking. She told me the same things she had told Nirav. I thought maybe she had forgotten and hence repeating those to me. But I was wrong. For all the time we spent with her, she kept narrating those few lines of her life over and over again. Her sorrows, her misgivings and her loneliness. Then she started speaking about my Maa, my Aunt and my cousins. But the irony is she could not realize that I am her daughter’s daughter. She spoke about Dipli (my cousin) but failed to picture her and my Aunt as mother –daughter.

I felt so sorry for her. I wanted to bring her back to Guwahati with me. But that wasn’t possible. She couldn’t walk; she’s on a wheelchair when she’s not on the bed. The lad who opened the door stays with her and there’s another woman who cooks for her and nurses her.

As we left Shillong, meandering through the pine groves, descending the altitude, I still felt heavy, I still cried and tried to hide those tears when Nirav or Boon looked back to talk to me. But the guiltiness gradually faded and it was almost gone by the time we were home.

Visiting her truly seemed “home coming”.

It’s just a few days ago I heard from someone in the family that Aita’s no more. I don’t even know exactly when that was. I was casually sms-ing Loya when she sms-ed me back “Sorry to hear about your grandmother.”

At that moment I only prayed and wished maybe she passed away in silence and in peace. This is what she wanted so desperately. I hope she finds solace wherever her spirits are now. At least I saw her once, for a few minutes and even if she remembers nothing she did ask me why I took so long to visit her…

I don’t know if Shillong would feel the same again. If those pine trees would ever wrap me in their love and warmth, if the Oakland house would be the same without her, would I ever get the feeling of “home coming”…

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Three weeks and three movies:My Reviews

The year started with a big bang for a movie buff like me. Never has good movies and of different genres hit the screens uniformly in succession. I was still in the Ghajini miasma, appreciating the Mr. Perfectionist for playing the role of an amnesiac so believably, for being so organized in his daily chores making a note of everything he does and I must also mention here he played the corporate bigwig with equal élan. Never has he looked so somber yet stylish.

Still in that haze I let pass Chandni Chowk to China. For some reasons or for that intuitive Aquarian in me I never wished to watch Mr. Action Kumar for 180 odd minutes bashing up goons or trying to be a buffoon or romancing a certain Ms. Padukone who looked so silly with her fringe in a desperate attempt to look like a Chinese damsel!

And then came the much awaited Slumdog Millionaire. I watched the movie out of curiosity. The only likeable actor for me in Slumdog was Irrfan but he had such a small role to play.
The movie was good. (It has to be since its been sweeping awards in all the big award circuit) but I wouldn’t take it back with me like the way I took Ghajini. The movie's got everything - the pulse of the slums, the people and their lifestyles, typical Bollywood masalas but somehow it didn’t move me. The only scene I think it made me sit up is when Jamal jumps into a pool of shit to escape from the loo so that he can get an autograph of Big B! The Taj Mahal scene was hilarious - especially the way the duo - Jamal and Salim steal shoes and fake as tourist guides rewriting the lives of Shah Jahan & Mumtaz! And also commendable is the scene where the call center employees gather around the TV to watch "Who wants to be a millionaire" and when they see Jamal in the hot seat; some of them exclaim "The Chaiwala!"
Yes there were moments, but too few and too far.

Next week it was Luck By Chance. I have enjoyed Farhan’s Dil Chahta Hai as a director and in Rock On he was true rock star. (But I still prefer Mr. Arjun “hot” Rampal in the movie – sorry Farhan!).
I went to watch it since there wasn’t anything else to do on a Sunday evening. Starting from the name casting the movie managed to get hold of my attention in totality! One could actually feel the pulse of what goes behind making a movie. The struggle, the plotting to surpass a fellow struggler, the life of a young single woman and a man in an urban city, the quirkiness of pampered actors is shown with all the fine points intact.

And then came Dev D. Its one movie I’ll count as my evergreen favourites. The movie is not about sex, alcohol and drugs. It’s not about the dialogues being right on your face. It’s not about always being on a perpetual high.
It’s about the unrequited love, the pain of not being with the person you love because you let her go. It’s about finding solace in someone else. The moment you think you love her but find it difficult to acknowledge it because you think you love someone else who cannot be with you.
It’s also not about ending your life because you are a loser and everything has gone wrong. It’s about reformation.
The best scene is perhaps when Dev consoles Chanda like one does to his child.
I wonder if there will be any other Hindi movie like Dev D.
I don’t know if any other actor would fit in Dev D’s shoes as did Abhay Deol and Chanda … she seemed like a young girl next door caught in between the turbulence of life and womanhood too early.

Cheers to Dev D!

Monday, February 09, 2009

Sorry Shah Rukh!

(I hate to write this piece of blog. But if I don’t, things would go in circles inside my brain and drive me into a state of insanity! Well a bit of exaggeration here but that would do no harm to me or to the man in question, for I know there is a possibility of one is to a zillion chances that Shah Rukh would ever read this.)

Dear Shah Rukh,

I am one among the million fans you have. I remember first seeing you as Abhimanyu in a serial called Fauji. You were so young then. For me it was love at first sight. I was a bit disappointed when the series ended. Those were the good old days of Doordarshan and serials would not go beyond thirteen episodes with a few exceptions however.

You came back again as a delightful surprise in another series named Circus. For some reasons I didn’t enjoy this as much as I did your Fauji. But nevertheless I’d wait every week for that one episode to catch a glimpse of you.

And suddenly you were gone. Out of sight is out of mind. Yes I do agree, but you were not really out of my mind, somewhere you still existed. And I was happy with it.

Following a hiatus your blockbusters knocked the movie halls one after another. I have enjoyed most of your movies. But my very favourites have been Baazigar, Darr, Kabhi Haa Kabhi Naa, Yes Boss, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai… to name a few. But you looked absolutely stylish and gave a brilliant performance in Kal Ho Na Ho and you were beyond my expectations in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. I don’t know how many times I’ve watched this movie and cried at the same time. But every time I saw the film it always felt like the first time.

But you know what? You had grown… grown very big, you became a Superstar… the King Khan… and no longer I could relate to you.

All of a sudden you were everywhere – from biscuits to talcum powder, hair oil to cars, computers to watches….pheew! And if that was not enough there you were as the Quiz Master; not once but twice! First luring middle class Indians to become millionaire by making them answer questions ranging from history, mythology, movies and the entire jing band one could possibly think of. The second time seemed a bit eerie at least to me; I didn’t enjoy the way people were made to admit that they were not smarter than a fifth grader! I am sure the four kids who were their to assist the contestants would mug up all the answers before the show!

You have a statue in Madam Tussuad, you also had a fragrance to your name.

And yes off course I almost forgot to mention about the business man inside you when your Kolkata Knight Riders made the maximum profit more than they did as a team in the field.

Wasn’t it funny to find you in the sports section of all the newspaper? I guess it was!

All this while I’ve remained loyal to you like a spouse until a few movies happened to me in the recent times and now I have second thoughts about you, sad but true!

I waited the entire 2008 for Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, but at the same time I also loved Rock On, Ghajini, Luck By Chance & Dev D.

My loyalties have slowly shifted SRK… you’ve been reduced to a mere brand. I’ve seen so much of you and so often that it gets a bit stifling at times.

You know what; I guess its time for you to make way for the Rampals, Farhans & off course the new Devdas…. Ahem… DEV D… Abhay.

Take this with a pinch of salt Shah Rukh, but I guess with time I have moved on. I would still love to see you in My Name is Khan. I still love you as Abhimanyu in Fauji but at the same time I’d love to see the new boys too…

Regards,

Still an enthusiast!