Two months ago exactly around this
time we were together… walking amidst slushes… and for me letting the feeling to
sink in that we were together….
I did not know if I was happy and
excited or nervous.
And there are chapters to write about
the things that have happened in between these sixty days.
Sixth sense is precise…but yet I keep
my fingers crossed. Because it’s you..
I remember our return journey…
We were undecided, whether to hop on
to the train where we had an A/C II Tier tickets booked or hitch- hike with our
friends…
But we got practical and decided to
hitch-hike till midway and then hop on to the train.
The return from Ziro to Nirjuli was an
annoying one for me… I, for starters like to have a bath before wearing a set
of fresh clothes. But we were running short of time. So I changed without a shower
and breakfast. The journey was dusty… famished to the bones… yet we knew we
would be in time to catch the train.
We reached Nirjuli around three in the
afternoon. And our train was at nine at night.
I looked at my Monk and said, “Let’s
go to Itanagar.”
He looked at me quite clueless-ly. This
was his first visit to the North East and I was the one who had travelled
widely on these exotic terrains.
We took a cab and proceeded towards
Itanagar which was roughly twenty odd minutes. I almost wanted to ask the
driver to stop the car when I saw a wine shop, and he asked me “Why?”
“I need some beer”, I told him.
“Beer?” he asked as he raised his
eyebrows and continued, “Why do you need beer now?”
“I have a craving for some beer. I want
to have a good bath, chill down my system before I head home to my regular
routine”, I said.
“Why do you need beer? We will have
some good sex”, he replied.
I looked onto him questioningly.
He thought for a while and said, “See
we have spent such amazing days together. Early morning sex followed by lots of
cuddling and spooning… a huge breakfast… nice baths… long walks… Apong…music…
more Apong and more music …some food and the sleeping right next to you feeling
your warmth and falling asleep and snoring afterwards”.
I smiled. Yes! I had the time of my
life… I don’t know what that meant to him or what that means to him now. But
these are the moments I will always cherish.
So yes… after twenty minutes or so we
reached Itanagar and checked into the Hotel I always did when I visited this
place twice a month for my sales targets. It swanky… spacious and super clean.
By the time I was happy with my
extended and luxurious warm shower, I knew he had asked one of the waiters to
get some Budweisers and smokes.
As I applied a body moisturizer, he switched
off the A/C. I grabbed the remote from his hands and put the A/C on again.
“I am feeling cold’, he said.
“But we are paying twenty two hundred
fucking bucks for four hours. We must make the best use of it”, I replied.
He looked quite disappointed and said,
“What about me?”
I pointed towards the chair across the
bed, near the dressing table and told him, “You can make yourself comfortable
there”, as I lay on the bed, with the pillows as a head rest and looking at him
to say something.
He arranged the coffee table neatly,
poured the beer on to the glasses, pushed my glass a bit and took his and sat
on the chair I had pointed towards.
We did a “Cheers” and sipped on to the
beer.
After a while I asked him, “Why are
you so far?”
“Because you wanted to”, he replied.
Without saying anything, I took the remote
and switched off the A/C.
“That was not necessary”, he said.
And after the beer was over, he said, “let
me take a shower”.
“Lets go together”, I said.
“No! I want a shower on my own”, he
said, as he tried to kiss me.
I pushed him apart and said, “Go”.
That is the way things are between us –
The Monk and The Mistress… the way he terms it.
With the Monk, its not about being without
clothes on or off… its so much deeper than that… we share our inner most
secrets…fears… insecurities and we know the time is not right.
He is the one I want to get old and
wrinkled.
And when we hopped on to the train… we
were reading some spiritual writings together. I do not remember anyone with
whom I have read chapters together and discussing thereafter.
“I want to kiss you”, he said as we
were about to sleep. I was on the lower berth and he was on the upper.
“Now?”, I asked him.
“Now”, he replied.
“I never stopped you”, I said and we
kissed for a long time, no having a care in world or for the life of mine who
was looking.
I do not know when sleep set in….
I am an early riser. I was looking out
of the window onto the dawn when my phone beeped.
“Good Morning!”
“I love you”, he messaged me.
I read them and replied, “I love you
too. Why don’t you come down?”
And now after two months, my Monk is
either always “busy”, “tired”, “sleepy” or is in his “zone”.
I feel neglected… I feel disappointed.
At the same time I know he talks less…
finds it difficult to express and I believe he is seriously busy… tired…sleepy
or is in his zone…
But to look on to the better side of
things… on one Diwali he had messaged me “Happy Diwali”… this was after a gap
of almost a year and half when we had a misunderstanding… but this time around
he made it a point to call me up and wish me a “Very Happy Diwali Nans!”
I love you my Monk… you will never
guess or know how much… but I am happy with these feelings… though at times it
pains a lot.
